Who Put Ham in My Pants?

I think I get much more of a workout defending myself from the devil-possessed guard dogs that populate Costa Rica's local villages than I do from the shoot-me-now rainforest jogs around base that are meant more for rock climbing than jogging.

I'm still not sure exactly how I begin to become so winded when the attack is taking place. Regardless of how the unfortunate inception happens, I'm going to argue that the combination of

1) my stick-waving technique (for ankle protection),
2) my sissy knee-hiking stride,
3) my increased heart rate as I lock my eyes with the hungry carnivore, and
3) my high-pitched screams

make for pretty good exercise.

So here's a tip to the producers of "The Biggest Loser: Costa Rica Edition" looking for the next big weight-loss competition*: any time contestants attempt to snack, force them to stuff that forbidden food into their running shorts and let 'em loose - with a stick, of course - into a pack of angry Costa Rican village dogs.


*be sure to check their hearts before including this in the show